Perceptions

A persons perception is their reality regardless of the truth behind that perception.  People lie, people distort the truth, people believe what they want, people describe their thoughts through conversations and yet in their minds its the truth.  It's the way things really are, at least in their little head.

If a person views another individual as amazing and perfect everything that individual does will be seen as gold regardless of the truth.  Case and point some of our most recent elected officials.

If a person perceives an individual as evil, lying and manipulative, no matter what that person may do or say that individual will never be able to do enough to make up for or change the perception others have for them. Only the person with the negative perception can choose to see things different, dare to see things the way others may view them, dare to be open to the possibility that there may be another reality.

Take time to walk in someones shoes today.  Step back, see their history, see why they may do what they do and look through their eyes for a minute and see their world, take time to see how they see you.  You may not like what you see. 

Who you are

Often times in our lives we feel alone when in fact we are not.  The universe and the powers that be will put people in our lives to help us live our life to the fullest potential.  Those people usually show up just at the right moment.  I want to take a minute to describe a very important person in my life.  I want him to know the impact he has had.  I want you to know what you mean to me.

You are my best friend after a really good funny joke.  You make me laugh when I feel like the world is falling apart around me; you make me smile when I have fallen apart.  You are the breath I breathe when I forget to inhale.  The impact you have on my life is the same as finding the missing corner piece in a 5000 piece puzzle.  You carry me most of the time and often times I wonder what I contribute to your life. You are the unmovable rock that I rest on.

You are my voice of reason when I am in hysterics, the voice that keeps me grounded and real.  You are the balloon to my helium and the person who watches my 6.

I have never known anyone like you and I understand why I don't.  There is no one like you.  The mold was shattered with you.  We often tell people we love them and we may even feel that way on a certain level, but there are people in this world that we share the same type of heart with.  Those people are easier to love, they are our soul mates.  They are people who want the best for us regardless of what that is and what it cost. That is how I feel about you.  You are a piece of me.  You are an inspiration to me when I am down, and the person I love sharing my laughter with.  Thank You for being in my life.  

Sugarland - Stuck Like Glue

Had to share this. A very funny video that my sister made me promise to look up and watch.

Old fisherman never die, they just smell that way.

Fisherman's Prayer

I pray that I may live to fish
Unlit my dying day
and when it comes to my last cast.
I then most humbly pray:
When in the Lord's great landing net
And peacefully asleep
That in His mercy I be judged
Big enough to keep.

Two years ago today my family and I lost one of the most important people in our lives. I know for me he was one of the most important men to ever exist in my life. He was my grandfather. He lived a great life. Actually he lived an amazing life with ridiculous stories of tales and adventure. He also lived a very hard life, which included losing his children to various illnesses, spending time in prision for taking up for a friend, finances, the net ban, and hard times on the water.

He lived on the water for 90% of his life, the other 10% he was on the mainland, procuring my Grandmother to be his wife. He eventually talked her into eloping with him to Horseshoe Beach, which is really not a beach, more like a few houses sunken into the marsh. They were married in June by a judge at the local court house, who they had to borrow money from in order to buy the marriage license. He adored my grandmother especially in the latter part of his life. My grandmother has been sick for some time and every medical doctor has given her only a few months to live, well that was three years ago. She would often wake in the night with him standing over her asking God not to take her from him. Asking God to take him first, pleading with God, begging God, God heard him. My Grandmother on the other hand not so happy.....she is still here and longs to be with him. Be careful what you pray for. It may be more than you think you wanted.

My Grandfather lived his life on a couple of principals. Never tell on someone, no matter what they have done, it's not your place and you keep your mouth shut. "Never Rat" he would say. The other was to give. Give all that you have to those who need regardless of who they are. If you have more than you need you give it away, regardless if it's time, fish, produce from the garden or even a cup of coffee. He gave all that he had and managed to always have more than enough despite living below the poverty level.

I remember growing up being less than five years old, my grandparents would take me "across the tracks." They owned a fish house in town. At the end of the day what ever was left, they would put into bags and we would go and leave fish on peoples porches. People who did not have anything and that may have been all they had for that day. It was was my job to go and place the bags on the door, knock and leave and move on to the next house. He would do the same thing after hunting regardless if it was deer, turkey or even squirrl. (I know, I know squirrl).

The day of his funeral his friend got up to speak. He told stories of how just a month ago my grandfather came to his home straight from the water. He told his friend go get a bowl and get what you want out of the cooler, take it all if you need it. No matter how much anyone took Papa would always add more to your pile. His friend told us how if my Papa would not have stopped they were not sure if they would have eaten that night. He seemed to always know, you never had to ask.

To this day I have a difficult time cutting steak and even picking bones out of a fish. I never had to do it. Even as an adult he would do it for me and of course I let him. He would not accept gifts unless of course it was some type of food. Food he loved.

My Papa was at work, catching fish for a friend, fish that someone had ordered, fish that he was to get paid for. He came home, told my Granny he did not feel well. Papa refused to go to the doctor. He went less than a handful of times in his 91 years of life. She called 911, he was having a stroke. He was flown to the hospital. That was the first time he had ever be in the air. I rushed to Gainesville and that was the last time I would ever be able to really talk to my Papa. A few days later he was presented with the options to survive which included a nursing home and a feeding tube. He refused. By Monday he was back at home and died on Wedensday afternoon at 4:44pm.

At that same moment I knew before the phone rang. One of his best friends was on the water fishing at the time and knew as well, his brand new boat stopped working and he was stranded. He would have called my Papa to come and get him. He told me later that he thinks my Papa did that to him, since Papa never believed in buying a new boat.

He would leave watermelons on our porch during the summer, take us fishing in the fall, bring us stone crabs in the winter, cook us fish in the spring. It's been two years but it only feels like it's been a couple of days since he has been gone. Time is suppose to make things better but sometimes time is nothing more than time.

Johnnie Henry Osteen January 12, 1917-November 12, 2008.

Regrets, Mistakes and Destiny

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” Fulton Oursler


I had a very in depth conversation yesterday with my husband. We discussed the anxiety that comes with making choices, wondering if you are doing the right thing, changing your life, and fearing that you may do something that will put you on a course that will change your life forever for the negative.

How often do we refuse to make choices in life, allowing and hoping life will do it for us? The fear of consequence can be crippling. It is often that people stick with what they know, refusing to move one way or the other despite our own desires, hopes and dreams.

I often hear stories of people who are in therapy because of regret. They regret the people they are, the places the live, the people they love, who love them, their children, their jobs, their entire lives. Granted none of these people have died or have ever killed anyone with choices they have made but they always wonder "Could I have made a better choice?" The truth is, you may never know.

(Now if you robbed a bank and are sitting in jail, yes you could have made a much better choice, but at the time I am sure it seemed like a good solution to a problem.)

The truth is as I have learned its all about perspective. Do you dwell on regret or do you live with the mistakes, pick up and continue to try and make better choices to improve your life? Do you have the ability to chalk it up to a "life lesson" and see it as growth.

We are all so afraid of hurting that we will do things to protect ourselves from that hurt. We worry and dwell on life's natural occurrence of just living. By failing to take a chance, to move, to be moved, to make a choice without fear we often times just end up broken, lost and left behind.

We all have regrets, I have regrets. I regret the things I have done to hurt people who I care about, love and adore, but I cannot do anything about the past and choices I have made or failed to make. I have to accept what has been done and move on refusing to make the same mistake twice.

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.” Brittany Renee

Snow Storm

Sometimes life is just like driving a stick shift up a hill in a snow storm blind folded. Everything has to be done just right for it all to fall into place and for everything to go where it is suppose to go.

Fear is the word I think of when I imagine driving a stick shift, snow and even being blind folded. We do not know what is on the other side of that mountain, what it is we cannot see and if we are hitting the gas and clutch just right to make it to the top.

Life is scary. Every choice we make can effect our future and what we do with our life over the next few moments. A wrong turn in a car, a word said to the wrong person, or even a pray for what it is that we truly want in life can impact us beyond belief.

I have come to the conclusion that being strong is a choice. It is not something we are born with but something we learn. It is something we choose to do. Choosing to live our lives without fear of what we do not know and accepting consequences or rewards to our choices is what I believe is strength.

Strength is being honest even when it hurts.

Strength is choosing to do what is right.

Strength is allowing your heart to love unconditionally.

Strength is closing your eyes and jumping off that cliff knowing that there may or may not be someone there to catch you but you will be okay either way.

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.” unknown

“The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone” Henrik Ibsen

And my personal favorite that came from a skating magazine during and interview with a Roller Derby Girl:

"When I fall, I get up, I needed to practice my recovery anyway".

Dragonfly & Butterfly

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean

Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

Often times I hear people wanting more, more out of life, more out of love, more out of their work, more money, more friends, more children, more house, more education and just MORE! Nothing is ever enough. Riding home with Nina Samone I realized it could be the wanting that is driving us all crazy.

I think in my next life I want to come back as something simple, that is if there is a next life, or maybe God will let me come back and be a dragonfly for the day. Fast, careful, deliberate, beautiful, true and simple.

L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle

"There’s a crack (or cracks) in everyone…that’s how the light of God gets in." — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

The last few weeks, I have found myself more in a meditative state of self-exploration and trying to figure out who the hell I am. Why do I do the things I do, am I am good friend, a good wife, a good influence, a good employee, do I inspire hope in others, do I break, decieve and crush? I challenge everyone to do this, it is life changing.

I have been doing a lot of hanging out with David. Yes, that David. How did he do it? How did he have such faith that would change kingdoms and empires? How did he live with himself? I admire his faith and that is why I have fallen in love with him and his writing.

Why is it more often times that not we break our own heart or allow others to do it for us. A teenager tells me "it's because it's worth it, one day it will stick." However do we know love when it really comes along or are we always going to be looking for something better, from someone to make us forget our past, forget who we are and forget that we are more than just our emotions. We take chances, we move, we start new jobs, we start new relationships hoping they will all make us happy. I no longer think there is anything we can do to make ourselves happy but it's only a state of being, a place in your heart, maybe that light that filters in through the cracks. I don't think we have to wait for love to come along, it's already here. It's inside of us, and yes it's inside of you, you love enough that your life is full of it, (yes, you, you know who you are).

A man named Perry....(If you lived with me in Atl you know who I mean) once told me, there may be shadows in your life but you have to remember it takes light to cast those shadows, there is always more light than darkness. No matter how dark things become the smallest amount of light will alway dominate the room. Embrace that and it will be enough.

It seems there are times we look for someone, anyone who is breathing and warm to be our salvation, our redeemers. We look for that person who can make us whole and to make up for all that we have lacked before that person ever came into our lives. We expect that person to save us from the world and life. I am not suggesting this would be a lover, it could be, it could be anyone.....a child, a dog, a partner or a friend.

"In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place." — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Where do we find true love? I am starting to believe it is not in someone else but only can be found in ourselves. True love is when we accept our shortcomings and allow others to love us despite them. True love is faith in yourself, it's love and light that others see, if patience, it's hope and it can never be found. It can only be realized.


A good read as well:

http://lindseyshea.blogspot.com/2008/09/blog-revival.html

Time Stops for No One

Today I am thankful that time stops for no one. I once thought that when someone passed it was just time's way of leaving someone behind. I would resent time for doing that to me and people I care about. Often times I beg it to stop just so I can take a moment to catch my breath. If refuses. Time and erosion go hand in hand. Time will tear down walls that people try so hard to keep up, while the emotions those walls are protecting erodes. Time and erosoin is an unstoppable force. It makes us better people. It breaks us, changes who we are, shakes our core and spits us out to grow, the way only time can and will allow. It magnifies what is important in our life and what we must do to presevere it.

Create a pure heart in me, O God

and renew a steadfast spirit. Psalm 51:10

Tornado

Today I am thankful for a few friends that have provided a temporary distraction for me. From my lady friends at the high school to my sister and step-mom. I have been in somewhat of a struggle the last several months with the person I am, the way I act and the way I feel. I don't think they always match up. I am a therapist, I should have my stuff together but I think before that I am human and even worse a female. We never make sense.

Some days are a lot harder than others which is true for everyone. Stress can be overwhelming, people are overwhelming and situations can become out of control. For example, I was sitting in the Target parking lot yesterday, put my car in reverse, had not moved, a kid ran behind me. I saw them and sat there, the Mother walked up and called me an effing c*^%. Who does that? Geeze lady. It just goes to prove my point the world can be a major sucking place from time to time for everyone.

I have been doing a lot of thinking, meditating and praying. I have noticed the last couple of days right before I become overwhelmed with the nonsense of life someone steps in. Call it devine intervention, the powers that be, the god within, but I think someone is trying to tell me something. I am thankful that he is communicating with me. It has been a while.

Perhaps he has been speaking to me all along and I have failed to listen. Well you know what buddy, you have my attention.

Theme of the Day

A therapist will tell you issues tend to run in waves, such as problems with parents, issues with death or even just problems with school. Recently it seems there is a massive case of broken heart syndrome which leads me to believe that a broken heart can be contagious. The problem with love is pain.

CS Lewis breaks love down into four categories. In the Four Loves he calls each love out by it's name, Storge (affection), Phielo (friendship), Eros (passion) and Agape (charity). Over the last couple of weeks I have been trying to put love into my own category, is it a condition, a habit, a mixture of circumstance and hormones or is it truly a mind blowing event that takes place between two people?

Affection: is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance. It is described as the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused of loves: natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity; and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed "valuable" or worthy of love and, as a result, is able to transcend most discriminating factors. Ironically, its strength is also what makes it vulnerable. Affection has the appearance of being "built-in" or "ready made", says Lewis, and as a result people come to expect, even to demand, its presence—irrespective of their behavior and its natural consequences.

Phielo: Friendship is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. Lewis explicitly says that his definition of friendship is narrower than mere companionship.

Eros: is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from sexuality, which Lewis calls Venus, although he does spend time discussing sexual activity and its spiritual significance in both a pagan and a Christian sense. He identifies eros as indifferent.

Charity: is the love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance. Lewis recognizes this as the greatest of loves, and sees it as a specifically Christian virtue. This is an unconditional love that can be easily taken advantage of.

Love is one of most valuable components of being human we possess but yet it can destroy someone, make them angry beyond belief, make a person crazy and even cause death. Why do we treat it so casual if it's so delicate? I have noticed that when people get hurt from love they want to inflict that pain on someone else whether it be the significant other or the use of someone to help distract or to cope with the loss of the missing person. Making heartbreak contagious. It's a never ending cycle.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in her book Eat, Pray, Love; "I will never again use someones emotions as a scratching post for my emotional distress." She was referring to using someone when we are down and out, when we hurt, when we need someone in this world to think we are worth something because the person we love may not think so highly of us at the time. This is using people and will only result in their heartache when you are not there for them. Creating a cycle of heart ache. Think about this next time you dump on a friend or stranger, is this a give and take relationship or are you just using them? Will you be there for them in the same circumstance or will you have moved on by then? Never use someones heart to repair the cracks in your own, it's not fair to anyone.

If we were to give to every whim, feeling or emotion we felt we would be little bombs going off everywhere, hurting, creating chaos and destruction with every other breath. Thank God we have a brain to help regulate these emotions and to help us realize what is truly important in our lives and what heartache we stand to gain by trusting something other than what we know.

Love is an ability, not everyone is capable of it. Guard your hearts and your mind from those who are not able. Recognize when you are hurt, angry and mad at the world. Understand that your actions can breed more heartache for others and ultimately building a fence so high around your heart that no one can reach you.

CS Lewis wrote, "The only place safe from Love is Hell." I believe we can put our self in our own personal little hell. We have to choose happiness over suffering. It's a choice we make with our minds not with how we feel.

Place a seal over our heart,

like a seal on your arm;

for love is as Strong as death,

it's jealousy unyielding as the grave.

It burns like fire,

like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;

rivers cannot wash it away.

Song of Songs 8:6-7

I used info from CS Lewis, The Four Loves (great book), wiki, Eat Pray Love and the NIV of the Life Application Bible.

Jason & Danielle

Today I am thankful for Jason and Danielle. Jason being my brother and Danielle his woman. :-) They one of the best advantages to being me.

Jason and I have always been together with the exception of my moving out at 19 due to an internship Atlanta. When our parents divorced at a young age the two of us were always together, at sitters, visiting family, at home and often times at sleep overs. My friends also had siblings my brothers age so it was nothing for him to go with me. My brother has even been known to accompany me on dates. He is my go to. Usually he knows everything and anything that is going on with me and he knows when I am hiding things as well. I am thankful to have someone in my life that knows me this well. He has the most amazing sense of humor and very often when in his company I laugh so hard that the end result is usually me having to change clothes....ewwwh. I know. He is like a buoy in my life, one that I can tie my boat to and take refuge when I need to. He is a rock in my life that I would gladly lay my life down for.

Danielle is the woman that I will in no doubt end up in jail with at some point in my life. I am certain of this and hopefully we will be smart enough to have been nice enough to someone who will bail us out. She is fiercely loyal to those she loves and would gladly rip out someones throat it anyone threatened them. She makes the mama bear look like a starving puppy at the pound. She is adventure and never says no. She is always up for a challenge and a fight. She reminds me so much of some of my favorite women. She reminds me of my Aunt who passed a few years back. She has filled that hole that my aunt left when she died. She is fire and passion. I love her.

Millie

Today I am thankful for my Mother. I am thankful for her ability to believe in me and lift me up when I stuggle to do these things for myself. Even though she often drives me crazy she is a constant stone in my life.

Urg.....a bitching hottie

So I get this Face Book post today that reads "what happened to your blog" in other words I have let it slip the last few days. So today I am thankful for LeAnn. I am thankful for LeAnn for bitching at me to get back on it when I have not really felt up for the last few days. I have been super busy with work, DCF stuff, crazy nonsense of people and just trying to take care of myself.

LeAnn has always been a girl who is there to listen to me rant, bitch, complain about life, people and myself at times. She is always there with a great comment or an unsolicited affirmation or positive comment for the day. She knows me better than most; even though most of our communication is done electronically. I think at times it makes it easier to communicate with people that way. We let our guards down. We open up and we start talking.

She is an amazing and strong person. She is a great Mom and wife. She is intelligent, sexy, beautiful inside and out and fun. She is a great person to have in your life and I am lucky that she is in mine.

Thank you for getting me back on track with the blogs. :-)

Moving On

A few weeks ago I had a long discussion with my boss and one of two of my jobs. She and I had come to the conclusion that I would step down as a Lead Therapist due to the amount of stress the position entailed. This was heart breaking for me but on paper it made the most sense. I would be working less, seeing more clients and have time to do other things. Well due to my stepping down I also received a really big pay cut. Which to say the least s-t-u-n-g.

Now that the after shock as worn off, the dust has settled and a replacement has been found, I am starting to really like being a therapist again. I get to spend more time with my other office, I get to work better hours at my job and see more people. Today I am thankful I stepped down despite the heartache I was feeling at the time, it has really worked out to be the best thing for me. Sometimes hard decisions turn out to be more good than you ever thought possible.

Yesterday

I forgot to blog yesterday. I did not remember until I was half asleep in bed. Yesterday I am was thankful for a good mood. When you have been sick and looking at the world half full a good mood is somewhat hard to come by. I am not sure if its the daily counting of blessings or a shift in the weather or my health but I am thankful for the good day I had yesterday.

The Pavement

Today I am thankful for the pavement, old running shoes, and a great windy sunset. The mood outside tonight was great. It was peaceful, people were walking their dogs and the weather was just right. So I took off. I ran and continued to run until I started hacking up my guts from coughing. Still a little under the weather I guess. Gross, yes I know.

I am thankful that I live in a place that allows me to run, take my aggression out of the pavement and blast really loud music in my ears. It is peaceful and reduces my stress and worry. It's my time with the universe. I enjoy doing this alone, of course there is my safety person I always check in with before I leave and when I return. Just to make sure I make it home alive. It is Florida after all. I am appreciative for them as well.

I am thankful for the ability to bathe in a sunset tonight while doing something I love.

Day 6, Health

Today I am thankful for the days I am well and not sick. I feel so unproductive when I am sick. I HATE laying around and doing nothing but healing. So today I am thankful for the days when I am well. I am also thankful for all the people who emailed, FB or texted me today to see if I needed anything.

Day 5-Who I am

I have been sick today and the past couple days. I believe everything happens for a reason, whether it may be to learn, experience, grieve or love. Everything has a purpose. Today while laying around not doing a whole lot, I decided to go through old photos.

I started laughing. I mean laughing hard; to the point I knew I just had to share these photos with all the people in them. These photos made me remember how I once felt about people, people I enjoyed spending time with, people I loved and how far we have come in time since the snapping of my camera.

Sometimes I try so hard to blend in with where I am that I forget where I have been. It's the way of the world, you fit in to get ahead. I often forget who I really am and what it is that I love about me. I love that I am different. I love that I can speak with a strong southern draw (pending who I have been spending time with). I love that I can also hide that about me if I need to. I am thankful that I used my past as motivation to get me where I am and where I hope to go. I enjoy things that boys like to do while being girly on the side. I like playing devils advocate, I enjoy a good laugh and I love making others laugh. That is who I am.

Today I am thankful for the memories and the moments I loved most when growing up. I am so thankful for the people who grew with me and who helped to shape who I am. I remember a lot about that time. I remember conversations I had with people and how they sparked something in me. I remember the people who I thought were so horrible and how they helped to lay a foundation for what I would someday do as a profession. I remember compassion from mentors and the fear from the first boy who broke my heart (oh and yes I am still bitter, I like that about me too).

I thought life was so horrible at the time. Looking back it was the people around me who was preparing me for what was to come. If you can't make it as a child there is no way you will make it as an adult. I am thankful for child-like things.

My Freedom

Today I am thankful for the right to make good and bad choices, to say what I want to say and to believe what I choose. I am thankful for my freedom. I am so very thankful for those who have died to give it to me.

Larry, Maggie, Tracy and client's with a sense of humor.

Today I am thankful for my private practice with Dr. Larry Shyers, Maggie Ryon, and Tracy Lewis. My work place is my sanctuary from stress and the real world. Now don't get me wrong some days I want to leave that place in a sprint, but not very often. It's almost like "base" in the game of tag. I work with some of the kindest and most rational people anyone could find. We are laid back and very much like a small family.

I took an hour nap today on my office couch and no one cared, you will not find that in many places. I am not the only one who will bask is such luxary in our office. We all take time to vent, relax, stress, work our butts off, help out each other, eat, celebrate and sometimes even swear (I do more of the swearing). We seem to accept each other regardless of mood or life happen stance. My office is my sanctuary and the people in it are very often Angels.

I am also thankful for some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. My clients. Old and new ones. I have learned all kinds of creative things which make me laugh every time I think about it, such as "tig ol bitties", and the new meaning of "wizard" from the Wizard of Oz.

(I can't really go into detail here about these stories but they are great and the people involved will know their humor and their stories help me when I am overwhelmed.)

They are often a breath of fresh air in the dead heat of summer. There are days, I find some of these people add more to my life than I could ever part to them. I hope people realize when they go to therapy, as therapist we hear a lot of bad things, but each person has something good to share. We will help carry the hurt for our client's but we also wear the good like badges of honor.

Day 2 Holly Cox

Today I am thankful for the randomness of my day. I worked all morning, started early, 530am. To cap off my afternoon with one of my dearest friends Holly.

She, like me is from the South, has a great accent, and a southern charm that she is not afraid to manipulate. She seems to always have an upbeat positive spin on things despite how grim life may seem at the time. She presents as a very strong and determined person, her moves and words are deliberate and usually for the common good of all of man. If anyone is to ever save the world I believe that she may be the one to do it.

Holly sees life as an adventure much like myself. We are both fire signs, a Sag and Leo, which could very easily lead to feeding the poor or a jail sentence, depending on the moon. We are both capable of useless ramblings and deep conversation that would baffle any eavesdropper. I adore her and love her. Today I am thankful that she is in my life and enjoys the random.

Ella Louise

Ella Louise means strong and determined one. She is my Grandmother. She is the first person on my list that I am thankful for. She gave me my Mother and my Family.

Growing up my friends feared her. She will tell you to your face if you are fat, mean or a horrible person and chances are she would have nothing to do with you. She is a great judge of character. She is also very loyal to her friends. Though she comes off as tough she would never admit to being a softy when it came to people hurting, especially children.

The family knows to never ask her opinion unless they really wanted to know. For example when Steven recently found a girlfriend, she came and met the family before meeting Granny. There is no need to subject this poor girl to Granny unless she is going to stick around, you can ask my brothers girlfriend Danielle about that.

Growing up you always knew when she was around because she once was a very loud woman. She has some what toned down her loud and expressive voice since the passing of my Grandfather. It's almost as if when he died her joy did as well.

I am thankful for her today. She is my favorite and very well aware of that fact. She is the epitome of strength. She has endured and survived, the death of her son, her husband, her parents, and all of her brothers and sisters. She has had hip replacement, both knees replaced, open heart surgery, countless heart attacks, over a dozen strokes, double breast cancer and removal, and currently is living with an unknown type of cancer. She has full use of her body and mind. She has never drank, smoked or done drugs. She has been married to only one man, and will tell you all about if you ask. Don't ask, she goes into detail about the honeymoon and her kitchen table.

To me she is the meaning to strength.

30 Days of Thankfulness.

Over the last year I have made some really good decisions and somewhat poor choices. I have lost friends and gained new ones. I started new things and learned new skills. I have learned a lot about who I am and who I am not. I would start to find what I thought was my footing only to realize I was in a sand pit. Over the last several weeks I have been battling what an optimist might describe as the blues.

Well blue being my favorite color the mood however is not. After a long weekend home and several days of my own pity party I realized that it's time to take a dose of my own medicine. I need a shift of perception so this is what I am going to work on for the next 30 days. Yes I know I should have started the first of the month but I didn't. So get over it and move on.

So for the next 30+ days I am going to write about what it is that I am thankful for, some of the topics may be people, places or even food. Who knows? Yes I realize this is very journal like, but I want it to be a platform to recognize the people in my life that I adore and what I think of them.

You might want to think about doing the same, start the Holiday season off on a good foot.

Check back tomorrow to see who I plan to start this journey off with. She is in no doubt "my favorite".
(Of which she is well aware).