A new birth

I needed to change my life. It is extremely hard work!! I woke up one morning and realized I did not like who I was, what I was doing, most of my friends, my home and my life style. I decided to start blogging again. Not sure why I stopped. I'm sure at the time someone had hurt my feelings, said something mean and I was trying to hide. So starting in June I took the first steps to create a new life and boy has it been a challenge. No matter how far you run the old you will beg and pled to be dragged with you. You habits will follow you. Your insecurities will eat at you and most of the time you feel like a failure. Then you wake up one morning and realize you have something new....you feel different....you have started to feel a glimps of the strength that you have been fighting for.

Is it good to know?

Can knowing certain things prohibit our ability to live happily?

The truth shall set you free, or does it? What is your definition on freedom.

Perceptions

A persons perception is their reality regardless of the truth behind that perception.  People lie, people distort the truth, people believe what they want, people describe their thoughts through conversations and yet in their minds its the truth.  It's the way things really are, at least in their little head.

If a person views another individual as amazing and perfect everything that individual does will be seen as gold regardless of the truth.  Case and point some of our most recent elected officials.

If a person perceives an individual as evil, lying and manipulative, no matter what that person may do or say that individual will never be able to do enough to make up for or change the perception others have for them. Only the person with the negative perception can choose to see things different, dare to see things the way others may view them, dare to be open to the possibility that there may be another reality.

Take time to walk in someones shoes today.  Step back, see their history, see why they may do what they do and look through their eyes for a minute and see their world, take time to see how they see you.  You may not like what you see. 

Who you are

Often times in our lives we feel alone when in fact we are not.  The universe and the powers that be will put people in our lives to help us live our life to the fullest potential.  Those people usually show up just at the right moment.  I want to take a minute to describe a very important person in my life.  I want him to know the impact he has had.  I want you to know what you mean to me.

You are my best friend after a really good funny joke.  You make me laugh when I feel like the world is falling apart around me; you make me smile when I have fallen apart.  You are the breath I breathe when I forget to inhale.  The impact you have on my life is the same as finding the missing corner piece in a 5000 piece puzzle.  You carry me most of the time and often times I wonder what I contribute to your life. You are the unmovable rock that I rest on.

You are my voice of reason when I am in hysterics, the voice that keeps me grounded and real.  You are the balloon to my helium and the person who watches my 6.

I have never known anyone like you and I understand why I don't.  There is no one like you.  The mold was shattered with you.  We often tell people we love them and we may even feel that way on a certain level, but there are people in this world that we share the same type of heart with.  Those people are easier to love, they are our soul mates.  They are people who want the best for us regardless of what that is and what it cost. That is how I feel about you.  You are a piece of me.  You are an inspiration to me when I am down, and the person I love sharing my laughter with.  Thank You for being in my life.  

Sugarland - Stuck Like Glue

Had to share this. A very funny video that my sister made me promise to look up and watch.

Old fisherman never die, they just smell that way.

Fisherman's Prayer

I pray that I may live to fish
Unlit my dying day
and when it comes to my last cast.
I then most humbly pray:
When in the Lord's great landing net
And peacefully asleep
That in His mercy I be judged
Big enough to keep.

Two years ago today my family and I lost one of the most important people in our lives. I know for me he was one of the most important men to ever exist in my life. He was my grandfather. He lived a great life. Actually he lived an amazing life with ridiculous stories of tales and adventure. He also lived a very hard life, which included losing his children to various illnesses, spending time in prision for taking up for a friend, finances, the net ban, and hard times on the water.

He lived on the water for 90% of his life, the other 10% he was on the mainland, procuring my Grandmother to be his wife. He eventually talked her into eloping with him to Horseshoe Beach, which is really not a beach, more like a few houses sunken into the marsh. They were married in June by a judge at the local court house, who they had to borrow money from in order to buy the marriage license. He adored my grandmother especially in the latter part of his life. My grandmother has been sick for some time and every medical doctor has given her only a few months to live, well that was three years ago. She would often wake in the night with him standing over her asking God not to take her from him. Asking God to take him first, pleading with God, begging God, God heard him. My Grandmother on the other hand not so happy.....she is still here and longs to be with him. Be careful what you pray for. It may be more than you think you wanted.

My Grandfather lived his life on a couple of principals. Never tell on someone, no matter what they have done, it's not your place and you keep your mouth shut. "Never Rat" he would say. The other was to give. Give all that you have to those who need regardless of who they are. If you have more than you need you give it away, regardless if it's time, fish, produce from the garden or even a cup of coffee. He gave all that he had and managed to always have more than enough despite living below the poverty level.

I remember growing up being less than five years old, my grandparents would take me "across the tracks." They owned a fish house in town. At the end of the day what ever was left, they would put into bags and we would go and leave fish on peoples porches. People who did not have anything and that may have been all they had for that day. It was was my job to go and place the bags on the door, knock and leave and move on to the next house. He would do the same thing after hunting regardless if it was deer, turkey or even squirrl. (I know, I know squirrl).

The day of his funeral his friend got up to speak. He told stories of how just a month ago my grandfather came to his home straight from the water. He told his friend go get a bowl and get what you want out of the cooler, take it all if you need it. No matter how much anyone took Papa would always add more to your pile. His friend told us how if my Papa would not have stopped they were not sure if they would have eaten that night. He seemed to always know, you never had to ask.

To this day I have a difficult time cutting steak and even picking bones out of a fish. I never had to do it. Even as an adult he would do it for me and of course I let him. He would not accept gifts unless of course it was some type of food. Food he loved.

My Papa was at work, catching fish for a friend, fish that someone had ordered, fish that he was to get paid for. He came home, told my Granny he did not feel well. Papa refused to go to the doctor. He went less than a handful of times in his 91 years of life. She called 911, he was having a stroke. He was flown to the hospital. That was the first time he had ever be in the air. I rushed to Gainesville and that was the last time I would ever be able to really talk to my Papa. A few days later he was presented with the options to survive which included a nursing home and a feeding tube. He refused. By Monday he was back at home and died on Wedensday afternoon at 4:44pm.

At that same moment I knew before the phone rang. One of his best friends was on the water fishing at the time and knew as well, his brand new boat stopped working and he was stranded. He would have called my Papa to come and get him. He told me later that he thinks my Papa did that to him, since Papa never believed in buying a new boat.

He would leave watermelons on our porch during the summer, take us fishing in the fall, bring us stone crabs in the winter, cook us fish in the spring. It's been two years but it only feels like it's been a couple of days since he has been gone. Time is suppose to make things better but sometimes time is nothing more than time.

Johnnie Henry Osteen January 12, 1917-November 12, 2008.

Regrets, Mistakes and Destiny

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” Fulton Oursler


I had a very in depth conversation yesterday with my husband. We discussed the anxiety that comes with making choices, wondering if you are doing the right thing, changing your life, and fearing that you may do something that will put you on a course that will change your life forever for the negative.

How often do we refuse to make choices in life, allowing and hoping life will do it for us? The fear of consequence can be crippling. It is often that people stick with what they know, refusing to move one way or the other despite our own desires, hopes and dreams.

I often hear stories of people who are in therapy because of regret. They regret the people they are, the places the live, the people they love, who love them, their children, their jobs, their entire lives. Granted none of these people have died or have ever killed anyone with choices they have made but they always wonder "Could I have made a better choice?" The truth is, you may never know.

(Now if you robbed a bank and are sitting in jail, yes you could have made a much better choice, but at the time I am sure it seemed like a good solution to a problem.)

The truth is as I have learned its all about perspective. Do you dwell on regret or do you live with the mistakes, pick up and continue to try and make better choices to improve your life? Do you have the ability to chalk it up to a "life lesson" and see it as growth.

We are all so afraid of hurting that we will do things to protect ourselves from that hurt. We worry and dwell on life's natural occurrence of just living. By failing to take a chance, to move, to be moved, to make a choice without fear we often times just end up broken, lost and left behind.

We all have regrets, I have regrets. I regret the things I have done to hurt people who I care about, love and adore, but I cannot do anything about the past and choices I have made or failed to make. I have to accept what has been done and move on refusing to make the same mistake twice.

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.” Brittany Renee